Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
