So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
