He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
