i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did I show you my penis last night?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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