I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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