i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
