Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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