my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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