I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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