i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
