david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
