If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
