Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
