I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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