we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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