Don't you send me to vm
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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