You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
