I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
