Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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