We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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