Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
