Who did Billy Mays play for?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
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