I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
