the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
