Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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