You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
