This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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