His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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