i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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