your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
