DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
