dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
