dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
