i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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