I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
