And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You need Xanax blowdarts
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
