We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
