JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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