That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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