She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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