you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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