We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize