Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
