i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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