She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
