i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
