You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
