it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
