Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
