Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize