You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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