Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
