I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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