he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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