I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
