You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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