I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
40s are totally the cure
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
