I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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