If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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