I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
