plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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