just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
