dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
