you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
