i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
