Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
