ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
