you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
