Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize