sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
