I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
