Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
