I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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