you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
