I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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